Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
