Already got asked if we're dating
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
