well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
