my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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