I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
