is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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