You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up