Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already