I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.