Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.