I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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