Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.

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(718): View more from New York

I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

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Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

you didn't get her number why?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.

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(562): View more from California

I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"

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(847): View more from Illinois

Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.

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