There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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