I am in a vortex of obligation.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
