I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
