Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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