I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
