I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
