I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
