We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
