Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
