Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
