I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
