It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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