I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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