dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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