in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
