We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
