I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
