I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
