man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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