living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
