so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
