bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.