hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.