im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"