He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is