i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
