I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
