Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
