Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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