Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
