i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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