I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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