so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize