pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
