I must be too annoying 4 u.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
how does that bad decision feel?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
