I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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