the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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