I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
