So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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