I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
