I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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