Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
