Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
nutella sex= disaster
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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