Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need to calm my uterus...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
