We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
