Cold hands, warm shart.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
