omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
