life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
