he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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