I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
