I should be sponsored by Trojan
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
