Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
