I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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