i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He shit in the fireplace
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
