got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
