if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
