hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
