After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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