everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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